malagim na umaga

umuwi ng mga 9.
pagod mula school ng kapatid,
nanuod ng play,
pero wala akong naintindihan.

nakatulog ako
siguro habang nagttext

pagkagising ko
pakshet

nakadikit na sa ulo ko
ang magaling na telepono

"hello there, radiation.
how's it like working with my brain cells?"

RADIATION: "t'was FUN."




haay.
masakit talaga ulo ko ngayon.

mahirap maging guro

kahit galit ka, hindi mo pwedeng sapakin estudyante mo.


baka ma feature ka sa XXX.
nako, tulad ng nangyare kay teacher luvy.

baklang teacher na dinisplace ang galit sa pananakit ng mga inosenteng bata.
**maling pagdidisiplina't pangangatwiran = KULUNGAN

this entry sucks: out of depression

i dont want to be one of the penguins
racing towards the sea
despite their ability to adapt
they are at the same skies as everyone else
none reach a higher altitude
as if no penguin wanted to reach dreams

i dont want to be one of the butterflies
fluttering endlessly against the gustly wind
despite their lovely wings
is a short life span
hidden in those fucking patterns
patterns of adoration
and they shall never reach neverland
stupid tinkerbell owns the place

i dont want to be one of those seemingly happy dolphins
for despite their charm
they suffer the lack of warmth
the lack of passion
to outdo life and to be challenged
with life's obstacles

i want to live like a content spider
spinning thread
a durable matter
for a happy home
a happy self



..i killed an ant.

envious of its patience and perseverance
storing food
for the drought.



..and i killed another one.

untitled

"the world aint all sunshine and rainbows. its a very mean and nasty place. and i dont care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permamently if you let it. you me, o nobody hits hard as life, but its not about how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward,how much you can take and keep moving forward.

and that i how winning is done.

how if you what you ware worth..

go out and get what you ware worth but you have to willing to take the hits and not pointing fingers saying you are not what you want to be because of him, her or anybody else. cowards do that.

and you are far more better than that c:"






this very inspirational message was sent by friend the moment that i needed it most.
it somehow captivated my negative thoughts and feelings and had placed them in a box where it says,




"sealed for my own safety :).."

its been a week since my baby cousin died.

still, the memory is still fresh..
like a newly stabbed body part..

i can still remember how blood was drawn every 30 minutes of our stay at pgh emergency room.
it was really a very bad memory.

the thought of him being pumped and oxygen was forced into his thin-lipped mouth.
the thought of his heart as still as the calm waters..

and the thought now that he is not coming back to us.
i am not going to see his big smiles.
his giggles without any sound.
his crazy eyes wandering up and down.
his mouth trying to open and say "ate"
and his heart trying to fight for the fate he was bound to meet.

his sweet kisses shall never be forgotten:( and his big smiles shall forever be in my heart.


i will miss you baby franco. i love you.

year of the ox!

unfortunately for me, librans are unlucky according to feng shui experts.

I was bothered since i was hoping for a really good year this 2009. I have already set my goals to be fulfilled and freed my mind of negative thinking but when i heard from a friend that i was going to be quite out of trend, i thought of everything i was suppose to finish as garbage.

I was not able to start the year right.
I had no new year resolutions.
I was not happy this new year.
and most especially, i did not feel like i was loved this christmas:(